Power of One: (Kandathil) Mariam , my mother
My mother, born in 1914, passed away in October, 2000. She was the only daughter of K. C. Mammen Mappillai, (KCMM) who had 9 children.
Her brothers were Padma Bhushan K. M. Cherian (editor), K. M. Oommen (banker), K. M. Eapen (lawyer), K. M. Varghese Mappillai (planter), K. M. Jacob (planter), Padma Shri K. M. Philip (economist), Padma Bhushan K. M. Mathew (editor) and Padma Shri K. M. Mammen Mappilai (industrialist).
(One nephew, Mammen Mathew (Rajen), has also been awarded the Padma Shri and he presently heads the Malayala Manorama group with 42 publications.)
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| This picture was taken in 1924 on the island of Kuppapuram in Kerala. My mother is the little girl sitting next to her mother. |
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| Artist's impression of Kuppapuram |
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| Mr. K. C. Mammen Mappillai |
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| Mr. K. C. Mammen Mappillai KCMM and the eight sons doted on my mother. She was a beautiful green-eyed girl (like her elder brother, K. M. Oommen).  her 7 of sisters-in-law. (Madras) She was the rock and glue that held all of them together. And all the wives of the 8 brothers also held her in the greatest respect as they knew she always had the ear of her father.  KCMM made sure that my mother got the best education in the Balikamatom School, Kottayam, and ensured that she went to one of the best colleges in India, Women’s Christian College. |
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| My mother before her marriage |
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| Photo sent to my father before marriage |
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| My mother graduating from Women's Christian College in Madras |
And when he decided to find her a suitable husband, he called his good friend, Malyakal Kuriyan (Mysore) Matthan, who had made a name for himself in the Administration of the Mysore Maharaja.
My mother and father after their
wedding in Bangalore (1936)
The second son of Mysore Matthan had qualified as an engineer from Imperial College in London, and Kuriyan Matthan, had returned from England and found employment in the Mysore Electricity Board.
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| My parents after their wedding |
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| My parents in Kottayam after their wedding in 1936 |
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My parents in 1940 after Nalini was born |
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| Family photo of Matthan family in 1944 in Basavangudi Bangalore |
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| My mother holding me in her arms and my elder sister, Nalini at her feet (1944)
My mother was a dutiful wife and quite capable of handling life in Bangalore. In my chapter about my life in Bangalore between 1943 and 1947 I have described some of her qualities, and again in the chapter on life in Mysore between 1947 and 1949, I reveal many of her outstanding traits. She was determined, calm in the face of adversity, and yet firm. She was giving in every sense of the word, especially to those who had little or nothing. KCMM was so attached to my mother that he made my father promise that for every school holiday, he would ensure that my mother and the grandchildren would spend their holidays in Kottayam with my grandmother and him. He made arrangements that all costs of travel from Bangalore to Kottayam would be met by him so that my father would have not have any financial problems on that score. Sometimes my father would drive us to Kottayam, sometimes he would drop us off at Jalarpet Junction and we would go to Cochin by train and KCMM would send a car to pick us up there to take us to Kottayam. On one occasion my father dropped us off at Coimbatore and my grandfather sent his car to take us to Kottayam. On that occasion the car broke down and we had to stay overnight at a hotel in Coimbatore. My grandfather would ring every hour as he was impatient to be with his daughter. During the time we were in Kottayam, my grandfather would ensure he devoted all his free hours to the company of my mother and us grandchildren. He threw open all the resources of the newspaper so that we could learn everything we were capable of. We played with printing machines, worked with the workers, learnt such skills as typing, getting the latest news from the teleprinter, how to cast the lead letters, composing, proof reading and editing, and above all writing with passion! During the longer holidays, other cousins would also be there and we developed a close relationship with those of our age group. My cousin, Rajen, was closest to me, and the eldest son son of K. M. Mathew. We were very mischievous ,but also very inquisitive. We built a bond so strong that even till today that is an unshakeable relationship. My mother was totally complicit with her father in this education! And her mother was equal in educating us in all the chores related to the house as collecting eggs from the chicken coop, milking the cows, drawing water from the well and eating the best berries that grew freely in the garden. It was an idyllic life for a growing child. The reason my grandfather was so adamant that my mother be at his side was he wanted her to inherit his mantle of keeping her brothers together. One brother, K. M. Jacob, died in 1941 when they were living in the coffee estates in Chikmagalur. It was a very harsh blow for my grandfather. As I was born after his passing, my mother gave me his name, Jacob! My grandfather educated my mother in a way so that she was always there to ease the tensions and feelings between the brothers, both in good times and in bad times. It is this bond between the 8 surviving children that ensured that the family values and material prosperity could be kept together and grow to the vast empire it is is today, It is with this long term perspective that all the grandchildren were educated till whatever level they thought appropriate. Doctors, surgeons, engineers, journalists, professionals (in different fields), artists, were what all us grandchildren, both male and female achieved in our lives. Additionally, once a person qualified in his profession, he was provided a living salary till he was able to stand on his own two feet. And when the grandchildren were married he dictated that no dowry would be taken but the money given by the brides parents to the bride would be kept in the names of the ladies who married into the family! When one son used his wife's money for his business, my grandfather told him that the first priority was to return that sum with interest! It was my mother who maintained the rules which were binding on all her siblings. Malayala Manorama was bound by the "Sacred Trust" dictated by my grandfather:  Malayala Manorama and its now 42 publications, MRF Ltd in tyres and sports, Funskool in toys, MM Rubber Ltd in rubber foam production, the coffee, tea and rubber plantations, (Devon, Badra, Balehanoor, the trading, and many other areas which will described in later chapters of my memoirs. There were bitter disputes between various brothers as each vied to promote their individual family interests. But they would ring my mother and she would slowly and surely bring them down to earth. She believed that in “unity was strength”., and at the end of a heated session, she would say "Whatever you may say....". |
She was a great swimmer as she had been brought up on the backwater island in Kerala, Kuppapuram. She loved going to Juhu Beach with the entire family and she would enjoy swiming there.
She was a fun mother as she always supported us in whatever we did. She would buy us the best sporting equipment as hockey sticks, cricket bats, football shoes. She spared no expense on these things, but yet she was very careful with money.
As a shareholder in the companies set up by her father and later run by her brothers, she used to get good annual dividends and that was used very carefully as she knew good home management.
She was also a very good cook. She employed cooks in the house and taught them the very best recipes. Our cook, Krishnan, was with her most of our life in Bombay and continued in Bangalore, till finally she got him a position in a Indian Railways Guest House in Madras so he could enjoy the generous government benefits of retirement. But she brought up his children.
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| My mother’s staff in her Bangalore home. |
In Bangalore she ran a wonderful household where the home helps were part of the family. Some of them robbed her of small items, but she took that in her stride as a work related loss!
She trusted in the old housewife remedies handed down to her by her mother. I was never ill as she gave me a spoon of ginger juice, with lemon and honey every morning before I set off for school. On Saturday she would grind a small amount of gold from her wedding ring and add it to the mix as she said gold was a great catalyst.
Her lessons on morality were of utmost importance. One day, when I was just10 years old, on my way back from school in Bangalore, I found a Rs. 10 note on the pavement. I put it in my pocket and did not tell her. I organised to take my friends for a movie, "Ivanhoe" in the Imperial Cinema. As luck would have it two of my elder cousins were at the same showing and word reached my mother. When I got home she asked me where we got the money for that, and I told her the truth. She was livid, something she was absolutely alien to, as she said the correct thing was to have given it to her to give to the Police. Rs. 10 of those days was akin to Rs. 5000 of today, and that was why she taught me a lesson by stopping my weekly pocket money for 3 months. I think she also reported the matter to the Police and sent the Rs. 10 to them.
Among the many things she taught me was budgeting so that it was the accounting methods she taught me that helped me keep accurate accounts in Finland which resulted in 10 years of research backed by data leading to our book "Handbook For Survival in Finland".
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| First page of my detailed accounts after shifting to Finland in 1984.  |
My father had a passion for cars. In Mysore and then Bangalore, my father had a Hillman Minx, and that became a Standard Vanguard Station wagon, with which he shifted all our household valuables when he transferred to Bombay. He had a trusted driver in Banaglore, but he did not want to live in Bombay, so my father had to do the driving. There he got a V8 Ford Sedan, which when I left school, was given to me, till I moved to residence in Delhi St. Stephen's College.
My mother was gifted in 1959 a new Landmaster by her brothers, the forerunner to the Ambassador. As it was made entirely of imported parts, and only assembled in India, it was a superb car which lasted over 12 years. The Ford was handed down to me and in 1970, on my return to India, the Landmaster, still in perfect condition was handed down to me.
I was taught to drive on the narrow winding roads by a great driver in the estate, so I learnt to drive well.
The driving licence procedure in Bombay was a farce as the Police just handed over the licence on payment of money. My mother insisted that I do the full course in driving through a driving school. As a result I never had a major accident in the next 60 years of driving.
My mother was not much of a sports fan, although she would watch tne football from our front window as we lived across te road from the Bombay Football Stadium. She was supporter of the Malabar Football team which came to play in the Rovers Cup every year.
She was not bothered about our marks in school, whereas my father was particular about us doing well. I was a very average student and did manage to get a First Class in my Senior Cambridge Final exam in 1959. As a reward she paid for a trip with my friends to tne hill station, Mussoorie.
She got on well with all my school friends. Several used to visit our house regularly. Elijah Elias (Ooky), Ashok Kapur and Noel Ezekiel, were very regular visitors.
I was only a pass student in Delhi University and obtained a medium second class, whereas my elder brother could not finish his degree in Delhi University.
My mother was very understanding and ensured she did not dress him down. He went on to study Rubber Technology in London and he obtained his PhD.
I was a hard worker, had a great memory but was very playful and did just enough to finish all my education first time around. What my mother insisted was that I learn people skills which she told me would carry me through life in a gold carriage!
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| My parents with their children after my sister, Nalini's wedding (1959) |
The greatest tragedy that befell my mother, after the passing of both her parents, was the tragic passing of my elder sister, Nalini, after childbirth.
Although I was happy to leave India to settle in Finland for several personal reasons, I was a very angry person at the series of injustices that led to that decision, and it took me many years to get over that bitterness.
Married just one year, Nalini returned to India for the confinement of her first baby. The life of my elder sister is described in the chapter about her life.
My mother brought up grandson, baby Ashok, as my younger brother and although he got many traits from his and my mother, he had some rather quirky genetic traits from his father which he could never discard.
Ashok was thoroughly spoiled by my mother. My younger sister was jealous of Ashok, but she had to manage. She had been the queen of the family till Ashok arrived and was quite put out by the arrival of a competitor.
There were a great deal of issues when I told my mother that I was marrying a foreigner as she had her heart set on my marrying the daughter of one of her closest friends.
She opposed my marriage to Annikki tooth and nail and sent my father to England and then got two of her brothers (her eldest and youngest) to try and talk me out of it. She then set about trying to destroy the relationship through my younger sister.
However, none of that worked and Annikki and I were married in January 1967 in Shrewsbury, England, a few days before my younger sister got married in Madras.
But the minute we got married, my mother changed her whole attitude as she believed in the Biblical saying about a Christian marriage, that “What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder” (Matthew 19:6)!
My mother treated Annikki closer that her own daughter as she saw and knew that Annikki was a God-fearing individual, highly accomplished and competent and someone who would give her life for her children and me.
She appreciated all Annikki's talents and it was a great sadness that overcame her when I decided that I would leave India, a subject which will be treated in great detail in a subsequent chapter of my memoirs.
There were a few episodes in my mother's life that I recall to explain her character.
One afternoon, in 1977, when I was living in Bangalore, about 12 noon my mother called through to me in my office. That was unusual as she would have normally called my father who had his office downstairs.
She was in panic as she told me that she had received a phone call informing her that my nephew, Ashok, who was studying in a local college, had been kidnapped..
Before she said any more and the tears broke, I reassured her I would act on it.
My co-director, Arif Hussain, was the son of former Justice Mir Iqbal Hussain and had close links with the Police at all levels. I put him to work on the Police while I took off to the College which was on the fringe of Bangalore City.
There I found several of his friends and they all said that Ashok had taken off on his motorcycle a couple of hours earlier as classes had ended but they had no idea where he was headed. Usually, they said, he just went home.
I alerted the Traffic Police giving the number of the motorbike.
Then I headed home to reassure my mother, picking up Annikki on the way.
My mother was in bed shaking from fear. Annikki and I sat with her and prayed. Annikki has a strong sense of prayer and it was the greatest comfort that my mother could obtain at that time. They both trusted our Lord implicitly.
Another hour later, as we prayed, we heard the motorbike at the gate and I rushed to the front door as Ashok drove in. The relief around was so great as my mother just held Annikki's hand and thanked her for the comfort she had given her.
The young Ashok was totally oblivious to the whole saga that had taken place!
I wonder whether he even thought for a minute about that traumatic incident for my mother later in his life?
I left India and she tried to pacify my anger that led to my leaving, with her regular correspondence which was always gentle, kind and loving. She faithfully sent Annikki and me Christmas and birthday cards, which were always acknowledged by Annikki as she was allowing me to burn out my anger at what had transpired in India which led to my decision to follow the 10 Guiding Principles laid down by my grandfather and my action totally in accordance with them.
I was not one to fight but abide by my principles, whoever was involved at the other end of the battle!
Another incident that took place was when my mother slipped on the tiled floor in her dining room and she was rushed to the hospital where they found she had a broken hip. The operation was done and she was brought home as an invalid, quite unable to look after herself. She felt that she had become a useless human being.
Annikki had been trained to look after the aged people when she worked-at a Hospiz run by her Seventh Day Adventist church in Hultafors in Sweden. She stepped forward to reassure my mother that all would be well. She started by looking after all her daily needs with loving care. Before tne start and the end of every session, they would both pray and Annikki gave her the courage to start getting on her feet, reassuring her that God was looking after her.
Other relatives came and went, but none knew how to look after my mother. I would drop off Annikki as soon as the children went to school and she would be with my mother all through the day, always being at her beck and call.
Within 3 months, my mother was back on her feet with a walker and she told Annikki that without her strength she would have remained an invalid.
The last four years of our life in India were traumatic for Annikki as she would not give up her principles of not being corrupt. These four years are described in Annikki's book, the first one ever published on the internet in 1994.
The Police had withdrawn their case against Annikki, my lawyers were not wanting to turn up in Court for a non-existent case, but the Magistrate kept insisting to the Public Prosecutor that the case should go on.
We were living in Somanahalli, a village about 80 km from Bangalore and every few days we would have to travel to Bangalore to appear before this Magistrate. We used to stay at my parents home and appear in Court the next day.
On one such visit, Annikki told my mother that this Magistrate was like the Pharoah of Egypt, intending to make her life full of suffering.
The next day we went to thebvCourt in the morning to be told to again come in the afternoon. In the afternoon, our two younger children, Joanna and Mika, came to the Court with us, and we were sitting waiting for the Magistrate to tell us what we should do.
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| Bangalore Magistrate’s Court |
It was 16:15 in the afternoon when all of a sudden an earthquake struck Bangalore. As we were on the fourth floor, the building was shaking violently. "Earthquake in South India on 20th March 1984"
Everyone in the Court left all their things on the table and rushed to get out of the building - the lawyers, police, defendants, witnesses. Our two children ran but I shouted one word "STOP" and they came back to sit with us.
Annikki and I did not move but just sat there on the bench.
I was watching the Magistrate who wanted to run, but every time he got up, he was fiercely thrown back to his seat.
The earth shook for over a minute. It was not a strong earthquake but enough to cause every court in session in Bangalore to stop.
As we both sat there, the people started coming back.
The Magistrate called Annikki, and as she stood in front of hoÃm, he looked at her and said "You are free to go!"
That was the end of the saga but it was very exceptional in that when the earthquake happened, Annikki was reading the Bible and the words that lay before her was "...for the hour of his judgement is com:..." which is the title of her book.
God had a special purpose why he moved us to Finland, which will be put before you in a later chapter of these memoirs.
But the decision was primarily because Annikki and I never deviated from the 10 Guiding Principles by which we have lived our lives.
Indian tradition of making a cross from
Palm Leaves for Palm Sunday
When Annikki was the Chairperson of the English Club of Oulu, for the annual Palm Sunday lunch organised by the Club, she sent about 40 Crosses made from the Palm Leaf, a tradition in Indian churches, which made a great impact on the Finns who now understood the meaning of celebration of Palm Sunday.
Finally, after a period of eight years, I was reconciled with me parents.
Annikki and her constant prayers was the bond that caused all the bitterness to be set aside.
My mother understood that what she and my father had done was wrong. She realised that she was being guided by person/persons who had their personal interests at heart.
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| My cousin Rajen and me (Delhi, 1989j |
It was also because of the plea of my dearest cousin, Rajen, that I decided to reconcile with my parents.
I had made a success of my professional life in Finland in a field other than my original study area.
I made a trip to India just a few months before my father passed away. I received his humble apology and his blessings before he passed away.
As a first step to a disgusting behaviour, using my mother’s brother in Madras as a foil, my siblings moved my mother out of her beautiful home in Bangalore and put her in an apartment in Madras, something she hated.
They then plundered Annikki and my personal belongings that we had left there for safe keeping, ten steel trunks of
books, Annikki’s numerous artworks, glass collections. These were taken and distributed amongst the collaborators, with not a word to both of us. Then the final
act of shifting her and her heart from her own home where, in Bangalore, her health was continually monitored by her nephew, Dr. K. O. Mammen!
God will punish these perpetrators in His own time.
A few months before my mother passed away, I made a trip to see her to receive her blessings.
She warned me that I was being cheated out of all my inheritance as she was powerless to stop the hypocrisy of my siblings.
I had returned to Chennai from Bangalore after discovering what plotting was going on behind my back. That night, when I was talking to her, I told her that I needed nothing from anyone as our Lord and Saviour was always looking after us.
Material things have been of least interest to Annikki and me.
Annikki was God's closest handmaiden and her faith was so strong that she was carrying me high on her shoulders.
I told my mother how a simple carpenter, Annikki's father, a God-fearing man, had welcomed and treated me better than a son, so I needed nothing from anyone.
I told her, as per my grandfather's, her father, dictates, I had been given a solid “education”, and I would survive in any circumstances.
That very night in Madras, my mother fell into a coma and I witnessed what I knew would soon be the end. She kept coming to speak with me again and again, repeating her worries, and the iunjustice done to me, till finally the two night nurses who cared for her knew that she was in a serious condition. Her sodium and pottasium levels had gone haywire.
She recovered while I was still there in India and she bade me goodbye on my 57th birthday knowing that whatever other people threw at me, I was as God-fearing, as her father, and we, Annikki and I, would survive all slings and arrows thrown at us.
She then told me in confidence as I sat with her, that she had informed her three surviving brothers, (K. M. Philip, K. M. Mathew and K. M. Mammen Mappillai) of what was her personal wish!
This was later acknowledged by the 3 stooges (two cousins and a nephew) to Annikki and me 17 years after the passing of my father and 9 years after the passing of my mother, who came to meet us Delhi in 2009 at their request - not ours.
My siblings had no courage to face the truth and their criminality, although Annikki and I had been in Madras a couple of weeks earlier. They did not even have the courage to attend a party thrown in our honour by all those in Madras of the KCMM family.
The hypocrisy of this situation was more than evident, but to both of us, we cared little as the bitter truth would haunt those who were party to it and as the Bible says, their children and children's children.
Exodus 34:7
“[God] keeps loving kindness for thousands, who forgives iniquity, transgression and sin; yet he will by no means leave the guilty unpunished, visiting the iniquity of fathers on the children and on the grandchildren to the third and fourth generations.”
Not that it mattered to either of us as monetary gain from someone's death has never our objective!
The sadness of the situation was so been shameful as the beautiful house and garden, so cared for by my mother, and where she took me when I was born.
The property had been sold and the entire property was built over with a monstrous multi-storey building, that both Annikki and I cried with shame as we saw what had been done for personal gain of a few.
During that visit we also visited the former house of my paternal grandparents, across the park in Basavangudi, Bangalore, which had also been sold. But the buyers had maintained the property exactly as my grandparents had maintained it almost 60 years earlier.
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| My mother’s younger brother and my father’s younger brother at our daughter Susanna’s wedding in Exeter, England. |
So when Susanna got married, my mother ensured that her youngest brother attended the wedding.
And when our second daughter, Joanna, got married, at her request she spoke with Joana during the wedding reception and felt that she had taken part in an event that meant a lot to her.
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| My parents and Bombay family members celebrating my father's 60th birthday (1971) |
My mother’s eight brothers
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| Padma Bhushan K. M. Cherian Editor |
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| K.M. Oommen Banker |
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| K. M. Eapen Lawyer |
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| K. M. Varghese Mappillai Planter |
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| Padma Shri K. M. Philip, World YMCA President |
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| Padma Bhushan K. M. Mathew Chief Editor Malayaöa Manorama |
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| Padma Shri K. M. Mammen Mappillai, Chairman and Managing Director, MRF. Ltd. |
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| My parents, with my elder brother, his wife, my nephew, Ashok, and me |
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My parents with their family in Bangalore (1976)
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| My mother with our children Joanna, Jaakko and Mika (1982) |
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| My mother with our children Joanna and Mika (1984) |
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| Order of service on Thanksgiving service after my mother’s passing. When my mother breathed her last, I fell into deep shock in Finland and could not speak for a week. But I remembered her final words that she would always be with me and all I needed was to ask God and all my needs would be fulfilled. I need to give one more event to demonstrate the close relationship between Annikki and my mother. After we moved to Bangalore, Annikki worked for 7 months to prepare a large wool embroidery for my mother. It was the scene oif the Zebras, a real masterpiece, My mother hung it up in her living room as a constant reminder of the dedication of Annikki to her and a tribute to the artistic talent of her daughter-in-law. _Original.jpeg) It followed my mother wherever she went.  The Zebras as they are in our home. A daily reminder of my mother for Annikki and me. On her passing, my sister-in-law, rolled it up and sent this back to Annikki. It now is firmly in placed in our home as the constant reminder of the bond between Annikki and my mother. And that is exactly what has transpired in the subsequent 24 years till today. It is not my mother that is looking after Annikki and me, but she has handed us over to our Lord and Master, and at even the worst times He has intervened. To many, the events in our life would seem to be coincidences, but both Annikki and I know that these are no coincidences but the intervention of our Lord channelled by the prayers of my mother. Many of these "coincidences" will be detailed throughout my memoirs. It will be up to you to decide whether these are all coincidences or the act of God's intervention.  In December 2020 the Mariam Matthan Memorial Hall was opened on the centenary celebrations of the school where my mother studied. Here is a report of that event. |
The Mariam Matthan Memorial Hall was completed in November 2020 and the Blessing was done by Rev. Fr. Dr. K. M. George.
The formal inauguration took place aon Thursday, 3rd December 2020
Though founded in 1904, Balikamatom School started functioning as a school in the year 1920 and the 2020 was its centenary.
The school has a little over 1000 students.
The Valedictory function of the centenary celebrations was held at the Mariam Matthan Memorial Hall.
At this first function, the Hall was declared open by the Governor of Kerala.
The Governor, Mr. Arif Mohammad Khan had agreed to come over for the function. But unfortunately, he was down with Covid 10 days before that and was hospitalised. He was unable to travel for the next 2-3 weeks. However, he took part in the virtual platform.
The Hall is a multi-purpose hall and can accommodate 500-550 people in theatre style. It has got all the required amenities.
The hall became a reality due to the support of grandson Ashok Jacob. Malayala Manorama and MRF, and many family members, who supported individually. We have not taken any contribution from any others.
It was Mr. K. M. Mathew’s thought originally, which became a reality.
May this courageous gracious lady,
my mother, rest in peace.
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