Nalini Mariam Jacob (née Matthan) (1937 - 1960)
My father returned to India from studying at the Imperial College of London in 1934. My mother finished her degree in English from the Women’s Christian College the same year. Our parents were married on May 11th 1936.
Appachen and Ammachi after their wedding - Bangalore 1937 |
Nalini was the first born. She was born on 16th September 1937 in Bangalore. She was called Mariam Matthan but her pet name, an Indian name, was Nalini.
She was cherubic baby girl. By character she was very docile
Nalini called my father’s elder sister, Mrs. P. G. Abraham, as 123 Ammachi as it was this aunt who taught Nalini how to count.
Matthan family when I was 9 months old -
Bangalore 1944 January
I was born in 1943 April. This picture taken in January 1944 in front of Grace Home in Basavangudi has my mother carrying me (Ammachi is seated on the far left) with Nalini, 6 years, in front of her.
Nalini started school in Bishop Cotton’s Kindergarten and then moved into the Junior School. In 1949, when our father moved to Mysore, she joined the Good Shepherd Convent, where I also started in the kindergarten.
This picture has me in the Mysore Good Shepherd Convent Kindergarten in 1948. I am seated on the floor third from the left.
Indian Independence saw the fortunes of the Kandathil family changing. Malayala Manorama in Kottayam was able to restart. My maternal uncles, K. M. Oommen (Mambeltheappachen) and K. M. Mammen Mappillai (Kochappachen) started the tread rubber factory, Madras Rubber Factory (MRF) at Thiruvottiyur in Madras.
Money was in short supply and K. M. Oommen’s family members used to make potato chips and sell them door to door in Madras.
Kochappachen’s wedding was arranged in Madras from the T. Nagar house where my maternal grandparents, Valliappachen and Valliammachi, were staying. We drove in my father’s small Hillman Mini car to Madras from Mysore to attend the grand wedding which was to celebrate that the K. C. Mammen Mappillai family was now going back up to the stars.
Nalini sitting next to after Kochappachen’s wedding –
Madras 1948
This picture was taken after the wedding where Kochappacheen and wife Kunjuammakochamma are seen with Kunjumonchayan and Annammakochamma (Mrs. K. M. Mathew) and Nalini and me sitting on the small pond wall in front to the house.
Our best friends were the children of Police Sub Inspector Doug Wilson and his wife Marge. The elder two children, Abner and Beverley, were close to Nalini, while Cedric and Dinky were close to Ranjit and me. The Wilson’s youngest girl, Zena was a close friend of my younger sister, Thangamma.
Dinky is now married and lives in Aschaffenburg near Frankfurt in Germany, while the other Wilson children are settled in Australia.
In 1949, both the Wilson family and ours moved back to Bangalore and all of us joined Bishop Cotton’s School in various appropriate classes.
We first lived near the Anand Rao Circle on Seshadiri Road City Railway Station in a house belonging to a Gujarathi, Mr. Bhatia, a film distributor. His wife was a Coorgi and a Machaiah, close relatives of the famous General Carriappa and Thimmaya families.
Mrs. Bhatia's family had been a close friend of my father’s. Their two girls, Pushpa and Ajitho, became close friends of our family. They lived in a super luxury home next to the one they rented us, with probably the first dishwasher in Bangalore.
Pushpa was the same age and in the same class as Nalini, while Ajitho was the same age as Ranjit. The house was small for a family of 6, but we managed quite well.
We moved from that house to 6 Lalbagh Road near Richmond Circle opposite the St. Joseph’s College hostel and sports grounds, in 1950. The house belonged to the Ramalingam Trust. Because of my late grandfather’s relationship with the Trust, we were fortunate to get this 5 bedroom house near the City Centre at a throw away rent.
Till he died in 1951 my grandfather used to walk from his Basavangudi home to our house every evening. He would stop for a cup of tea, then proceed to a friend's house for a peg of whisky before walking back home for dinner!
From the Lalbagh Road house it was possible to run to the Bishop Cotton’s Boys and Girls Schools in 5 minutes, come home for tea and get back to school to take part in the evening daily sports programmes.
Our neighbour was a Dr. Rao, whose daughter, Chitra, was a classmate of Nalini. At the top of Lalbagh Road lived the Bhagwagars, and their daughter, Ninoo was also a classmate of Nalini. These two, along with another girl, Nimmi Appudarai, were close friends of Nalini in school.
I loved living in the Lalbagh Road house as on the weekend I could watch the St. Joseph College cricket team play their inter-collegiate matches. I made friends with the players and although I was just 8 years old, I soon became their official scorer. Brother of Ranji Trophy Mysore player, L. T. Adishesh, L. T. Subbu, was the captain of the St. Joseph’s College cricket team and he became a great friend. He used to give me tickets to see the Ranji Trophy matches and I was fortunate to see the Bombay vs Mysore match in Bangalore. Vinoo Mankad, Polly Umrigar, and Dattu Phadkar, were household names in India played and I saw our Mysore team flounder against such top flight Indian players.
The college hockey pitch was also in the same sports ground. I enjoyed watching the fast game of field hockey on the gravel ground. I was fascinated by the goalkeeper, Abraham (Abe) Tharakan, who became a good friend. He used to call me and my friends after a game to eat Masala Dosais and other great servings in the college canteen. Because of my admiration of Abe I became the hockey goalkeeper for my school in Bombay and later for my college in Delhi.
Abe had an ulterior motive in befriending me as he was madly in love with my sister Nalini who was in her final year in school. Abe was a tall and handsome college student. Nalini had blossomed into a beautiful young lady and half the college hostel students were showing interest in her.
Taken in front of the Basavangudi Grace Home house.
Nalini is behind me on the extreme right -
Bangalore 1952
Also living in the St. Joseph College hostel was the brother of my mother’s youngest brother’s (K. M. Mammen Mappillai) wife, Georgie, and I used to also visit him. He was later to become the Technical Director of MRF.
Abe was infatuated by my sister, Nalini, and he used to send notes to her through me. This was our secret. However, Nalini had her head screwed on the correct was as she knew Abe was a Catholic and we were Protestants, so any closeness was not a long term possibility.
Nalini was a brilliant student and in 1953 she won the highest school award of the Pope Medal as the best student of both the boys and girls schools. She was the second member of the Matthan family to be awarded the Pope Medal. My father's younger brother, the late John Matthan, who later headed the Integral Coach Factory in Paramour, also received the Pope medal.
Cousin Malli (Mariam) seen here with her husband Thampan,
was also a recipient of the Pope Medal -
Later another cousin, Mariam Ninan (née Chacko) also was awarded the Pope Medal in 1955.
In 1954, when my father took a job in the B. E. S,.T. Bombay as Chief Engineer, Nalini joined the Women’s Christian College in Madras as a boarder student to do her Inter Science course of two years. There were plenty of relatives in Madras so she was at home there with our cousins, and especially the youngest daughter of one of my mother’s elder brother’s, (K. M. Oommen) youngest daughter Ashwathykochamma. Also our cousin, Sen Philip, son of another of my mother’s elder brothers (K. M. Philip) from Bombay was studying in the Madras Christian College in Tambaram, and being the same age as Nalini, she had plenty of good company.
Nalini at the Women's Christian College in Madras.
She is standing on the far left. -
Madras 1955
Nalini was a model college student and did extremely well in her Inter Science. She also became quite religious as she found her faith after she attended an event by the American evangelist, Billy Graham, who visited Madras in 1956.
After her Inter Science, Nalini rejoined the family Bombay and got admission to do her Bachelor of Science in Mathematics at Elphinstone College, which was almost next door to our house on Cooperage Road.
She had several school friends of Sen’s doing the same course in Elphinstone. The atmosphere in the college however was not very pleasant. She was continually being eve-teased. She would come home in the evening in great distress.
Our parents were very understanding, so they decided with Nalini that it was not worth going through this sort of behaviour.
Nalini left Elphinstone and joined the Nirmala Niketan College to do her degree in Home Science. It was a ladies only institution. She made some wonderful friends there, especially two Bori sisters, Gulshan and Khursheed, a half French girl settled in India, Jacqueline and Shanti, who was married to a Airline Purser for Air India. These girls became inseperable and Nalini was really happy.
Nalini was nearing 23 and in our Syrian Christian Community the pressure was growing as to why she had not yet found a husband. So the process was started!
Suitors started to visit our house, most of them Kerala Syrian Christian boys coming back to find wives before returning to England to complete their studies. Most of them were rather self-opinionated young men. One wanted to see Nalini’s legs to see whether she shaved them. He was quickly sent on his way. As girls do have a say in whom they want to be their life partner in our community, Nalini could decide on whom she wanted to be her life-partner.
Peter Jacob (Babychen) was from Kottayam. He was doing research at the Imperial College in London. He came to Bombay and impressed the family. Nalini took a liking to him and the wedding was planned for October 1959.
Baluchachen and Nirmalakochamma –
Bangalore October 1959
The wedding of cousin Baluchachen (George Matthan)and Nirmalakochamma (Nirmala Joseph) was unfortunately set in Bangalore for the same day as that of Nalini and Babychen in Kottayam.
Because of Babychen’s strict schedule in London, the clashing dates had to be accommodated. Since I was in my final year of my Senior Cambridge, I did not travel to Kottayam with the rest of the wedding party. I flew down a day before and returned the day after so as to study for my final exams.
Nalini was a beautiful bride, prepared for the occasion
by Annammakochamma (Mrs. K. M. Mathew) –
Kottayam October 1959
Indian Postagee Stamp issues in honour of
Padma Shri K. M. Mathew (Mathukuttychayan) - 2011
The wedding in Kottayam was organised by one of my mother’s younger brothers (K. M. Mathew) and Nalini was prepared as a bride by Annammakochamma (Mrs. K. M. Mathew).
It was a grand occasion and Nalini was truly beautiful and radiant.
I returned to Bombay immediately after the wedding and there was a reception organised for them in Bombay for all the family friends. Most of my school friends were able to take part in a grand reception in the Taj Hotel.
Family photograph in Bombay after the wedding
reception and before Babychen left back for London -
Bombay November 1959
Babychen flew back to London immediately and steps were taken for Nalini to follow him a few weeks later. One of Babychen’s friends, Captain Zach, was an Air India pilot, and a husband of Nalini’s friends, Amir, was a purser in Air India. They took care of everything regarding her flight including the large amount of baggage she was carrying with her to settle into a home in London!
Picture of Nalini with the Queen Mother at the Indian YMCA -
London 1960
I do not know much about Nalini’s life in the UK. I understood they lived in a small bedsitter. Babychen was quite active in the Indian YMCA in London, so they were invited to a function which was graced by the then Queen Mother.
In August 1960, Nalini flew back to India as she was expecting a baby in October.
I had joined St. Stephen’s College in Delhi so when I returned for the holidays in mid September, Nalini, in her advanced stage of pregnancy came to the Bombay Central Station to receive me.
It was grand holiday as a family weekend was organised in a Juhu Shack for both the Kandathil and Maliyakal families.
But soon it was time to return to Delhi. Nalini came to the station and walked all the way down the platform to put me on the air conditioned Janta Express. She bid me a fond farewell as I returned to my routine in the college.
On October 14th, I was greeted by my cousin, Suresh with the great news that I was an uncle. Nalini had given birth to a baby boy in St. Elizabeth’s Nursing Home on Malabar Hill. I was truly thrilled at the news.
However, one week later I was told to return immediately to Bombay as Nalini was not well. She had contracted tetanus from infected sutures used after the birth, and I was told the chances of survival were slim.
I returned to Bombay but by the time I reached she was in great pain and had been heavily sedated as every few minutes she would go into body spasms.
I watched in horror as I saw my sister suffer. I held her hand and she knew I was there. But there was no smile or any other form of greeting.
We all waited in the front lobby of the Nursing Home hoping against hope that some miracle would save her. There was talk of moving her to another hospital which was better equipped to handle cases of tetanus, but this was ruled out as her condition was fast deteriorating.
We waited for the inevitable and on 29th October, Nalini breathed her last breath.
My mother was shattered but she had some hope in the baby boy, Ashok Peter Jacob, she held in her hands.
With that started a bitter battle which lasted for several years as to the custody of Ashok. Babychen was still studying in London and his mother in Kottayam was too old to manage Ashok. This meant that immediate custody of Ashok was given to my mother. It was comforting in her deep grief, but it soon became a battle as my sister’s small fortune was up for discussion.
My mother wanted none of it as she knew she could give Ashok much more than what was in his mother’s name. All she wanted was custody of her grandson to keep her connected to her departed daughter.
Picture of me with K. C. Mathulla (Mathullapappachen) -
Bombay 1992
She had powerful allies in her brother (K. M. Philip) and a cousin, Mathullapappachen (K. C. Mathulla), who was very close to Babychen’s father in Kottayam.
All sorts of negotiations were entered into. Finally, reluctantly Babychen gave custody of Ashok to my mother, with visiting rights to Babychen when he returned to India. There were tough negotiations about the jewellery, saris and other assets which were part of marriage settlement. My mother used these as bargaining chips to get complete custody of Ashok.
My mother was a grandmother but more a mother to Ashok. Ashok was devoted to my mother and also to me as I spent all my time on my holidays from Delhi with him.
My younger sister, who was just finishing high school, was jealous of the amount of time and attention my mother gave to her grandson. She grew out of it with time. Ashok loved his aunt whom he called Inganga.
He waited eagerly for my return from college for each holiday and would not leave my side when I was in Bombay. He enjoyed the rough and tumble handling that I used when playing with him, something my mother and sister were unable to do with him. Among his favourites was Giddyiappa Ding Dong when I bounced him on my knee. He would drop asleep when I rocked him on my long legs.
Ashok at his second birthday in -
Bombay October 1962
Ashok was heartbroken when I told him that I was going to study in London. He was just under 3 years old when I left India.
My black Labrador - Blitz of Vijaynagaram –
Bombay 1963
His justification was that Blitz, our black Labrador, would miss me very much!
It was only when I was in Finland and blogging that I came across Abe Tharakan again. He had retired from Apollo Tyres and I was surprised that he still remembered me. He never lost his memory of Nalini.
AbrahamTharakan - Friend of 60+ years -
November 2009
I taught Abe to blog and with his excellent command of English and his phenomenal photographic skills, he became one of the finest and oldest bloggers on the internet with his blog called Song of the Waves - Parayil A. Tharakan Blog.
In 2009, Annikki and I visited Abe in Chennai. He was so happy to see me, as I had been just a 9 year old boy when I had met him last!
But I could sense a tinge of sadness at the loss of our common love - Nalini.
We exchanged notes on blogging and he thanked me profusely in giving him a new life at his old age. He was recovering from some major ailments.
We agreed to stay in touch, as he read my blogs and I read his. It was a mutual admiration society!
I was looking forward to meeting him on our visit to India in 2014 when I heard of his passing away.
His wonderful blog remains online as a tribute to his skill.
To me, it is a great honour that our friendship of 60+ years, with a huge gap in-between, was renewed and made more fulsome.
May dear Abe Rest In Peace.
Annikki with the "Avatar of Iitu" at Sewri Cemetery –
Mumbai December 2014.
In 2014, Annikki and I went to pay our respects to Nalini by visiting her grave at the Sewri Cemetery in Mumbai.
A very strange happening took place when we found the grave site.
A cat, which was a replica of our cat in Finland called Iitu, which had passed away in 2008 (aged 18 years), appeared at the grave and sat on top of Nalini´s grave, looking up at Annikki and me. As long as we were there, it continued to stay there .
When we finally had to leave, the cat also left!
May our dear Nalini Rest in Peace!
This chapter of my memoirs is only part of the story of my sister, Nalini. Many of the facts revealed here have never been known to anyone else than myself!
Ashok Peter Jacob -
1985
What of Nalini’s son, Ashok? What did he grow up to become? Did he inherit the character of his mother or his father? Did he take after his maternal or paternal grandparents?
All that will be revealed when I write about Ashok Peter Jacob in a later chapter of these memoirs.
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